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Reflecting on my journey as a Turkish non-Binary Feminist scholar, I'm struck by the complexity of my relationship with confidence and control. Turning 45 this year has granted me a poignant perspective— I have grown to understand the humbling dance between vulnerability and strength. Confidence, in my experience, isn't an unswerving road but a mystical labyrinth that continues to shape me. It's a maze I've been exploring for as long as I can remember, one that has taken me through countless dimly lit corridors and vast, sun-soaked courtyards, each moment a testament to discovery, struggle, and endurance. As I navigated my life and academic career, I found that my moments of confidence did not always stem from personal victories, but rather, from moments of discomfort and growth. When these moments surfaced, they weren't as the world often portrays confidence, shining like a diamond. Instead, they were like a sunset's soft glow against the evening sky. When I first started creating progressive projects, like my "porn linklist" 📎 —a radical initiative to explore and assert the role of erotic expressions in feminist discourse—athwart conventional perceptions, it was a challenging road. People were perplexed, even scandalized 🤤. But it was in this discomfort that I felt an astounding sense of self-assurance, a beaming beacon leading me through the labyrinthine journey. With every step forward, I nurtured this newfound confidence, tenderly feeding it with rare moments of validation, daring debates, and revolutionary thoughts. As my self-assurance evolved, so did my relationship with control. But control, I realized, is not about a dominating grip or dictatorial power— it's about the subtle maneuvering of oneself within the grand scheme of socio-political constructs. It's about understanding the sweet flavors of liberation 🍑, what it means to navigate power structures while amplifying muted voices, and how to turn an individual triumph to collective progress. My journey may be personal, but it is inherently connected to the feminist narrative. I realize that my confidence isn't just about empowering myself, but it's also about transforming the spaces I occupy, the conversations I stir, and the narratives I influence. My self-assurance fuels my ability to challenge norms, to voice my opinions, and to propel change, all the while reveling in the glorious uncertainty of my labyrinthine journey. That's where control resides for me— not as an imposition, but as the harmonious symbiosis of confidence, courage, and the tireless pursuit of equality. ὠ9 As I traverse this increasingly intricate maze that is life, I am reminded that confidence, control, and even discomfort serve as invaluable guides— enlightening my path, refining my purpose, and rooting me deeper into my feminist identity. My interactions and experiences are not merely waypoints in my journey; they're the very essence of it. With every reflection, I find a richer understanding of myself, the world, and the intertwining dance of confidence and control. It's an intricate tango; each step, twirl, and falter, a testament to my fortitude and resilience. The labyrinth may seem daunting, but with every turn, I am reacquainted with the powerful synergy of confidence and control— the keys to shaping the narrative, empowering the voiceless, and building a more equitable world for us all. 
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